The Olympic Games 2012
During the Olympics, I watched Nathan Cohen and Joseph Sullivan canoeing.
I was so nervous and excited.
Beep! The siren went. Off they went. NZ was coming last.
Next, they picked up some speed. I felt great and proud.
Their oars went 'psh, psh'.The water was crystal clear.
They sped past everyone and they were winners.
I felt proud of them.
Well done Jasmine, your description of the race is very exciting, I really enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDeleteHi Jasmine,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you are trying to add sound words to your story. This helps tap into other senses, like hearing and smell, and also our prior knowledge.
I was impressed with the way you started your sentences with different words. This makes a story more interesting. You also added the word next, this shows time in a story.
Sometimes when we use words like psh and beep, they are called onematapoeia. This is a big word and often I have trouble spelling it. It means a word sounds like the noise it would make like 'clap.'
Good luck with your writing, I would like to read more of your work.
Mrs Atkins